Zuzana Bird

I am normally someone who tries to find meaning in everything, I can see the reason why something is happening to me and what it is trying to teach me, I can see the bigger picture. But right now, all I see is everything I once believed collapsing around me and it makes no sense at all whatsoever.

I am constantly confronted with what no longer works and what needs to go but I don’t yet know what will come in its place. Right now every aspect of my life is going through a shed of some sort. What worked before is now painfully unsuitable. So I keep shedding - items (always!), beliefs, old ways of working, old ways of communicating and thinking and how I show up in the world. I do like that a bit a lot, I love a good purge but normally I know what I want beyond the purge. This time, there is nothing, silence, a great big scary void.

Though I have gone through a shed many times in the last 12 years, what always carried me through was my spirituality. My beliefs that there is something greater than us, that I am being divinely guided and supported and that I had a big purpose in this life. But even that is getting a shed. It started with my essential oil collection, my crystals, tarot cards, whatever other spiritual items I collected and now I am not even sure I believe in some greater power and that I am guided by some unseen helpers. I feel very disconnected from it all.

Something must have created this universe, my head tells me but my heart does not want to accept it right now. I feel utterly let down by life and whoever is up there that is meant to be watching and helping. I’ve put all the work in, have ‘healed’ so much yet I am still as lost as ever.

I bought into some sort of a premise that if I just heal enough of myself, life will be beautiful, blissful and I will have all the answers. Well right now, I have none. All I know is I need to keep shedding and hopefully at some point it will start making sense again.

Each time I sit down to write about something spiritual, I feel there is a missing context, so I’ve gathered it’s probably time to write my story first - how I came to discover spirituality.

The first time I vividly remember questioning my existence was during a dinner with my family to celebrate my thirtieth birthday. We were sitting at the table and I blurted out. “Why are we all here?” My dad looked at me and, so beautifully innocently said, “You are here because your mum and I love each other.” 🥰 And I thought, Yes, Dad, I know that — but where did it all begin? (Humanity in general.)

Total silence.

A year later, I was four months pregnant with my first child when my dad tragically passed away. Later that year, we saw a friend who mentioned she had spoken to a clairvoyant and was shocked about the information she told her and knew about her. I had always been interested in clairvoyants and the unseen, but was scared I’d end up with a con artist, so I knew this was my chance to speak to someone legitimate.

I booked a call. Like most people would be, I was scared and thinking I would probably be told when I was going to die or something equally dire. They do make the supernatural sound terrifying on TV. She reassured me that spirit doesn’t share that kind of information because, honestly, what would be the benefit of that? They are there to support you and want the best for you.

My mind was truly blown. During the call, she told me details about my dad only my family knew, that he didn’t like wearing jackets and that even in winter he prefered a woolly jumper and a vest. She told me what my sister eats for breakfast and that my dad liked the changes I was making that weekend to my kids’ bedrooms! I did not share that on Instagram or Facebook at all, yet she knew.

I’ve had many readings with her over the years, and they had a profound effect on me. They taught me that there is nothing to fear and gave me great comfort later on where I went through several further family tragedies and a severe depression which took years to overcome (that is for a different post, which I am not yet ready to write).

After my dad passed so unexpectedly, I searched for answers and for ways to connect with him. I wanted to know if death really was the end or if there was more.

My next big encounter with spirit wasn’t as pleasant as the readings with my clairvoyant.

We went to Australia for Christmas with our two toddlers and we did a house swap, which was meant to last two months but we moved out after a month. The house was haunted. I had never experienced so many accidents in such a short space of time. The front part of the house with the bedrooms was fine, but the back, where the living space was, made the hairs on my neck stand up every time I went there. I felt watched the whole time, and it felt so cold and eerie which included the garden. Bear in mind, this is Australia, and the sun was shining all the time and it was hot, yet the garden felt all wrong, like we were in the middle of nowhere despite being surrounded by other houses.

One day, my husband Simon said that something touched him on the shoulder in the shower and that he saw a little girl dressed in 1960s-style clothing run past him in the garden. I didn’t know then what I know now, and I was so scared because I already feelt we weren’t alone.

I couldn’t sleep well in that house because of the fear. One afternoon, I went for a nap and (stupidly, in hindsight) asked to connect with whatever spirit was there. I fell asleep right away, then woke up to the sound of someone jumping onto the wooden frame at the foot of the bed but there was no one there! Then something heavy fell on me, grabbed me by the shoulders, and started shaking me. It only lasted a few minutes, but I was terrified! I ran to Simon and told him what happened, and he told me how he had seen a shadow walk through the front gate a day earlier.

My kids felt the spirit too. My son would go to the back of the garden and wave to the same corner where Simon saw the girl run past, but at night he would wake up screaming in absolute terror. My daughter refused to go to sleep alone, claiming she was really scared. Both kids had an unusual amount of accidents.

I was becoming more and more scared and sleep deprived, so I contacted my clairvoyant. She was it was the spirits of two children. They didn’t mean any harm, but their mischievous energy caused the accidents. She told me the most activity was in the room my son was screaming in every night. She recommended I go buy sage and smudge the house. She also said when it’s your house, you can ask the spirit to leave and they will, but since it wasn’t ours, I could ask them to leave us alone and they would have to listen.

I bought my first sage stick, lit it, and opened all windows (some hadn’t been opened in years!). I found a prayer online that resonated with me and went around the house smudging it. It had an instant effect on the house and how it felt. Later on, Simon called me to the garden to see the birds! So many birds, and the garden felt alive, and no longer eerily quiet as before.

The smudging made a huge difference, but still it didn’t feel like enough, and I still felt uneasy. We needed to try something else, so Simon called a local priest in desperation to come help. We are not religious, I was just desperate.

The priest came with a book of exorcism and went around the whole house and garden doing his thing and that really did it. I couldn’t feel the children anymore, and I didn’t feel watched. The house and garden felt nice, but I was severely sleep deprived and couldn’t shake off the month of fear. So we moved.

This experience really shook me - but it made me even more determined to learn more.

“We all fear what we do not understand”

We moved to a lovely apartment where we felt safe and had a fantastic month there. While we were there, I discovered holistic healing, and from that point on, I was off - on my spiritual train, and there was no turning back.

Earlier this year we embraced putting our house on Airbnb and living a more nomadic lifestyles from May till now, moving in and out of the house and spending 5 full weeks in Europe. I’ve been keeping stats and so far this year we visited 8 countries, stayed in 12 different Airbnbs and spent about 83 days away.

It’s been very hard at times but we’ve learned so much. And this is what I keep coming back to, the learnings. Each time I don’t want to move out and want to stay in the comfort of my own home, there is something that happens and I learn a lot of from it. Or if I was in a bit of a funk before going, it resets the energy and it’s like a fresh start. It also allows us to just have a good time, there is no housework, no things to organise and we just enjoy ourselves.

The bookings we get aren’t always rosy and we have now decided to stop accepting adult only bookings because no matter how much they plan a “quiet weekend away”, alcohol gets involved and problems happen. So from now on we are only allowing intergenerational families, the grandparents, with two siblings and their families. Those are the perfect bookings. Those people are homeowners themselves and respect our home too. I was starting to doubt I wanted to carry on with this until I realised it was the types of bookings we were getting. The multi family bookings feel so good, adult only piss up weekends - not so much.

Last night the kids and I started to look over old photos from when we were about a year into living in this house. It looked so cosy and lived in and it made us feel a bit sad we are living in this bare house inbetween bookings but it is so easy to look over your life and romanticise about how great it was. I bet one day we will be looking over this time saying how boring life is and wasn’t it great when we had all those adventures. Funny how we always what the opposite of what we have. Anyway, I am winning the Omaze house draw tonight so I can have both worlds :)

Oof, this is a lot harder to write than I expected. 

Ever since I started this project I looked forward to writing about it at the end but now it's finished and I am tired and emotional, I am finding it so hard. I first sat down to write last week and I was suddenly overcome with so much shame. Shame over letting myself get to that stage and for letting it go on for so long. 

I first became aware of how my surroundings impact my mental wellbeing when I was in Australia for two months at the beginning of 2018. I was severely depressed and somehow made it there with a toddler and a 7 month old. We stayed in a small modern apartment in Melbourne where we only had what we needed, nothing more and I was so shocked at how suddenly I was able to focus on my family and getting myself better without the distractions of other things to manage.

We came home and I went on a major declutter. At that time, our house was full, every cupboard filled with sentimental items, spares and everything else you can think of. All the baby stuff - there was so much stuff I accumulated while depressed. I believed it would keep the kiddies occupied so I could get a break that I so desperately needed. It was all in the loft, stuff everywhere. 

For the next 7 years I repeated a pattern of major declutters only to then unconsciously accumulate it again. It was my way of coping with depression. It allowed me to escape my feelings or lack of and everything else. I felt like I was achieving something when I was clearing up. It made me feel good temporarily and there was a hidden promise that I would get better once my house was clear.

In February, I went to Slovakia to visit my family. Usually I stay with my mum but my sister was there so I rented a small house. Again I was reminded of how amazing I feel when I live minimally. I didn't get it though, I felt like I didn't have much stuff at home anymore so why did I feel so rubbish at home and so overwhelmed?

So I came home and decided to get rid of most things. Like I was truly done done with this pattern and this part of my life and I needed to be radical.

I put everything I didn't need into one room which was super overwhelming but since other parts of the house were suddenly so lovely and clear, it was ok. Then I started going through it all. 

I got rid of at least 75% of my personal possessions. I had a huge essential oils collection, too many crystals, all my sewing supplies, punch needle supplies, all my huge artworks I had punched, bookcases, books, majority of my plants including a huge heart shaped philodendron, clothes, jewellery, my 100kg Himalayan salt lamp, my wedding dress! I am even closing down my business.

I went though everything and I was careful not to throw any good items away but found a good home for each and every one of them. It was a monumental effort. But it was important to me that I had transformed the energy behind each of these things I accumulated.

You see each item held a certain depressive energy in it because I acquired it whilst unwell. Or I punched those artworks when I wasn't well. This is why I felt so ill whilst at home, even though I was after a different life for myself, these items were radiating this negative energy at me. No amount of sage was able to break through that haha. But the more I got rid of, the lighter my world felt and I was suddenly waking up excited for life again.

Now you might think I am overthinking this, most people I tell think that. But this was a generational pattern I was breaking and it felt so huge. My family have hoarded items, not because they wanted to be hoarders but because they were labourers and everything they kept would have eventually come in handy. They didn't have much and they worked with their hands so 'this little piece of scrap metal would have come in useful at some point'. And so getting rid of anything felt terrible, like I didn't appreciate what I had and what if I need it someday. But honestly in the last 7 years of declutterring on and off, there was not one item I regretted getting rid of. But also, taking care of items took us away from the most important things like spending good quality time with our families because we were always so busy tidying up. 

Now all the things are gone and I have people messaging me thanking me for what I gave them and how happy they are to have those things, I feel ashamed for not using those items and hoarding them for so long. For instance, when I was still sewing 15 years ago, my mum gave me about 100 different spools of thread (my family worked in factories and sometimes got end of line stuff). I kept these because I felt so bad to let them go and maybe I would sew again one day and I shouldn't give them away, they were 'good quality' and from Slovak factories, etc etc. I gave them to my neighbour in the end, her sister is very sick and she said her machine embroidery is her sanctuary and her escape whilst she is supporting her. Do you see it? It was the right thing to let go of that, I didn't need it and it made all the difference to her. 

When I was going through this, I was feeling so anxious over what happens when I finish. Because who am I even if I am not forever moving items around the house and decluttering? But I know this chapter of my life is truly over and I am ready to embrace the new.

Every item in our house requires your attention. Whether you need to tidy it up, get rid of it, fix it, move it, I am not wearing it, water the plants, whatever it is, it takes away from your focus and other things you might want to do instead, like learn something new or spend more time with those you love. We live in an overwhelming world and are constantly bombarded with items. If you own something that is constantly making you annoyed or angry or sad or anything other than happy or you find it useful, get rid of it. And you don't need to go to the same extreme I did, just let go off the things that are no longer serving you. I promise you you will feel so much better.

A week ago, when the fires in LA started, I got so consumed by it, it was the tipping point for me to finally do something about my Instagram/ phone addiction. 

On Friday night I got to such a state, I was lying in bed unable to shut down the Instagram app and go to sleep. I was manically scrolling through post after post, I shut the app down several times only to reopen it again unconsciously and before I knew it more time passed. I couldn't let go, it was like a drug and I hadn't experienced a pull that strong before. I would imagine the energy surrounding the fires was so low vibrational, I got sucked into it and the dark forces got me. It was almost 1am when I finally put it down and went to sleep. But not before I deleted the app and removed a lot of people I was following.

Prior to this, I had started to read a new book called Stolen Focus by Johann Hari. I was hoping it would help me with my Instagram addiction, I felt like I was broken because I couldn't seem to break the habit. We are talking at least 7/8 years of me trying on and off. I kept thinking: "Why can't I control myself when others can?" I really felt there was something wrong with me. But the first epiphany I had was when he says in the book that our issues with focus and attention had started way before social media. This alone was huge, because it suggests there is so much more to this than the invention of phones and apps and I wasn't alone in feeling like this. 

I also realised other things. I often say how overwhelmed I feel in every way. No matter how much I simplify my life, I am still struggling. Simple invitations out often tip me over the edge, I cannot manage. I didn't understand though, when I looked at how much other people can supposedly handle versus me, I again felt like there was something wrong with me. But I had an aha moment and realised, through the tipping point of the LA fires, that I fill my head with so much information and despite having simplified my life everywhere else, I simply have zero mental capacity for anything else. I cannot go out with friends, because in my head I am dealing with major disasters, catastrophising and I am being constantly reminded I am inadequate and not doing enough. 

When I was going through my awakening, I really needed to follow people whilst I was learning about what was happening to me and to not feel alone. But now, no matter how good the people are that I follow, how inspirational, they are all distracting me from hearing my own intuition and wisdom. 

So I am limiting who I follow and how often I check it. I deleted the app, as I said and now only check Instagram in the browser. Because it's so clunky, I don't spend hours on it and exit quickly. I have been here before, implemented this change but this time, I know I was consuming content in order to distract myself from having to deal with my reality. But this time, I am ready to face myself and make meaningful changes to my life because I am sick of repeating the same stories and pattern and feeling miserable. It's time to face me 

When I tune into your energy, I receive images, symbols and a deep inner knowing. These often reveal patterns, hidden dynamics, or the deeper truth of what you’re moving through.

Each reading is unique.

You can come with a specific question, choose to explore up to three areas of your life, or simply ask, “What do I need to know right now?”

My process is simple. I tune into your energy, receive the first images that arise, and translate what I feel they are revealing.

These readings aren’t about prediction or certainty. They are about clarity, reflection, and seeing what may be waiting beneath the surface.

✨ What Do I Need to Know Right Now? — £25

Sometimes you don’t have a specific question. You’re simply curious, or you feel there’s something you need to see more clearly.

One follow-up clarification included.

✨ One Question Reading — £25

Bring one question or area of your life where you’re looking for clarity.

One follow-up clarification included.

✨ Three Question Reading — £45

Bring up to three questions or areas of your life that you’d like guidance on.

One follow-up clarification included.

How it works

Choose the reading that feels right for you