Whenever something happens to us that we don't desire we think we are unlucky or it's unfair, why me, that type of thing. But everything that happens is here to teach us and show us where we have work to do.
I will give you an example of this that I have observed in my own life in the last year. Each Autumn, I'd be hit by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I'd start using my SAD lamp, SAD alarm clock and take Vit D and once I adjusted after about 2-3 weeks I could stop all that and I'd be fine for the rest of the Autumn/ Winter season.
But in the last year alone, I have had three separate SAD flare ups. First one was last January after I came back home from a month in Australia, second one was last Autumn and last one I have just 'come back from'. The first one I should have expected after a big dose of Australian sun, second one I expected but it was still very hard but this one just now was a shock. I know why I got it though, I stopped taking my Vit D just before Christmas as I thought I was fine now.
Now all three of them can be explain however in previous years I would only get one a year despite stopping Vit D tablets after adjusting and also spending two other Christmas' in Australia (2017 and 2018). So why was this last year so different? What was the other reason for getting SAD three times?
Each time I get SAD, it feels like a depression to me. I had suffered from a depression for many years so I know exactly how debilitating it is.
I have done a lot of healing these past few years to dig myself out of my rock bottom. And each time I got SAD, I'd be in complete despair thinking my depression was back and that I was inherently broken. Because how could I possibly be still so unwell so regularly despite ALL the healing I had done?
But there was a reason. Each time I realised I had SAD and not a depression I would be so relieved. I would take my Vit D right away and that alone would make all the symptoms go away almost instantly and life would feel so bright again.
And here lies the lesson the universe was sending me.
It was showing me that I need to stop thinking and believing I am inherently broken. Because I am not, I just need to take my Vit D throughout the whole Autumn/ Winter because we live under perpetual grey cloud here in the UK.
We need to pay attention to not only our physical bodies but our emotions too and the lessons that we are presented with each time a sickness happens FOR US. Do you see that me getting SAD three times in the last year was a blessing overall?
A week ago, when the fires in LA started, I got so consumed by it, it was the tipping point for me to finally do something about my Instagram/ phone addiction.
On Friday night I got to such a state, I was lying in bed unable to shut down the Instagram app and go to sleep. I was manically scrolling through post after post, I shut the app down several times only to reopen it again unconsciously and before I knew it more time passed. I couldn't let go, it was like a drug and I hadn't experienced a pull that strong before. I would imagine the energy surrounding the fires was so low vibrational, I got sucked into it and the dark forces got me. It was almost 1am when I finally put it down and went to sleep. But not before I deleted the app and removed a lot of people I was following.
Prior to this, I had started to read a new book called Stolen Focus by Johann Hari. I was hoping it would help me with my Instagram addiction, I felt like I was broken because I couldn't seem to break the habit. We are talking at least 7/8 years of me trying on and off. I kept thinking: "Why can't I control myself when others can?" I really felt there was something wrong with me. But the first epiphany I had was when he says in the book that our issues with focus and attention had started way before social media. This alone was huge, because it suggests there is so much more to this than the invention of phones and apps and I wasn't alone in feeling like this.
I also realised other things. I often say how overwhelmed I feel in every way. No matter how much I simplify my life, I am still struggling. Simple invitations out often tip me over the edge, I cannot manage. I didn't understand though, when I looked at how much other people can supposedly handle versus me, I again felt like there was something wrong with me. But I had an aha moment and realised, through the tipping point of the LA fires, that I fill my head with so much information and despite having simplified my life everywhere else, I simply have zero mental capacity for anything else. I cannot go out with friends, because in my head I am dealing with major disasters, catastrophising and I am being constantly reminded I am inadequate and not doing enough.
When I was going through my awakening, I really needed to follow people whilst I was learning about what was happening to me and to not feel alone. But now, no matter how good the people are that I follow, how inspirational, they are all distracting me from hearing my own intuition and wisdom.
So I am limiting who I follow and how often I check it. I deleted the app, as I said and now only check Instagram in the browser. Because it's so clunky, I don't spend hours on it and exit quickly. I have been here before, implemented this change but this time, I know I was consuming content in order to distract myself from having to deal with my reality. But this time, I am ready to face myself and make meaningful changes to my life because I am sick of repeating the same stories and pattern and feeling miserable. It's time to face me
