We struggle to accept that in life, things don't happen to us but for us. What do I mean by that?
Whenever something happens to us that we don't desire we think we are unlucky or it's unfair, why me, that type of thing. But everything that happens is here to teach us and show us where we have work to do.
I will give you an example of this that I have observed in my own life in the last year. Each Autumn, I'd be hit by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I'd start using my SAD lamp, SAD alarm clock and take Vit D and once I adjusted after about 2-3 weeks I could stop all that and I'd be fine for the rest of the Autumn/ Winter season.
But in the last year alone, I have had three separate SAD flare ups. First one was last January after I came back home from a month in Australia, second one was last Autumn and last one I have just 'come back from'. The first one I should have expected after a big dose of Australian sun, second one I expected but it was still very hard but this one just now was a shock. I know why I got it though, I stopped taking my Vit D just before Christmas as I thought I was fine now.
Now all three of them can be explain however in previous years I would only get one a year despite stopping Vit D tablets after adjusting and also spending two other Christmas' in Australia (2017 and 2018). So why was this last year so different? What was the other reason for getting SAD three times?
Each time I get SAD, it feels like a depression to me. I had suffered from a depression for many years so I know exactly how debilitating it is.
I have done a lot of healing these past few years to dig myself out of my rock bottom. And each time I got SAD, I'd be in complete despair thinking my depression was back and that I was inherently broken. Because how could I possibly be still so unwell so regularly despite ALL the healing I had done?
But there was a reason. Each time I realised I had SAD and not a depression I would be so relieved. I would take my Vit D right away and that alone would make all the symptoms go away almost instantly and life would feel so bright again.
And here lies the lesson the universe was sending me.
It was showing me that I need to stop thinking and believing I am inherently broken. Because I am not, I just need to take my Vit D throughout the whole Autumn/ Winter because we live under perpetual grey cloud here in the UK.
We need to pay attention to not only our physical bodies but our emotions too and the lessons that we are presented with each time a sickness happens FOR US. Do you see that me getting SAD three times in the last year was a blessing overall?
Whenever something happens to us that we don't desire we think we are unlucky or it's unfair, why me, that type of thing. But everything that happens is here to teach us and show us where we have work to do.
I will give you an example of this that I have observed in my own life in the last year. Each Autumn, I'd be hit by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I'd start using my SAD lamp, SAD alarm clock and take Vit D and once I adjusted after about 2-3 weeks I could stop all that and I'd be fine for the rest of the Autumn/ Winter season.
But in the last year alone, I have had three separate SAD flare ups. First one was last January after I came back home from a month in Australia, second one was last Autumn and last one I have just 'come back from'. The first one I should have expected after a big dose of Australian sun, second one I expected but it was still very hard but this one just now was a shock. I know why I got it though, I stopped taking my Vit D just before Christmas as I thought I was fine now.
Now all three of them can be explain however in previous years I would only get one a year despite stopping Vit D tablets after adjusting and also spending two other Christmas' in Australia (2017 and 2018). So why was this last year so different? What was the other reason for getting SAD three times?
Each time I get SAD, it feels like a depression to me. I had suffered from a depression for many years so I know exactly how debilitating it is.
I have done a lot of healing these past few years to dig myself out of my rock bottom. And each time I got SAD, I'd be in complete despair thinking my depression was back and that I was inherently broken. Because how could I possibly be still so unwell so regularly despite ALL the healing I had done?
But there was a reason. Each time I realised I had SAD and not a depression I would be so relieved. I would take my Vit D right away and that alone would make all the symptoms go away almost instantly and life would feel so bright again.
And here lies the lesson the universe was sending me.
It was showing me that I need to stop thinking and believing I am inherently broken. Because I am not, I just need to take my Vit D throughout the whole Autumn/ Winter because we live under perpetual grey cloud here in the UK.
We need to pay attention to not only our physical bodies but our emotions too and the lessons that we are presented with each time a sickness happens FOR US. Do you see that me getting SAD three times in the last year was a blessing overall?
Today I received a very special painting. It must have been about two years ago when I first discovered Soul Essence Painter Kris on Instagram. I immediately put myself on her waitlist.
Fast forward to last December, I emailed her to see how far down on the list my name was. She said she no longer had a waitlist and it's now first come first served. It was time :)
I really believe things come to us at the right time. So when my painting did a funky detour last week I thought, aha, it was not quite the right time. The painting arrived in London last Wednesday and was immediately sent back to Los Angeles then back again to London for Saturday arrival. I received it this morning.
I have been reflecting on why it was delayed and I think it was because I needed to make a decision this weekend to step away from punch needle embroidery which is something I have done for the last 7 years. I let go of the creative side at the end of last year but I needed to let go of the selling part (my main source of income) this weekend.
Once the remaining stock sells, I will no longer be able to hold onto it as a crutch and will need to embrace my spirituality and creativity which is ultimately what I want. I did spiritual readings last year but as long as I have the punch needle business, I feel like I am tied to my old self, that is constantly 'doing' stuff rather than 'being'. A business that is perpetuating constant buying and selling and holding of stock no longer aligns with who I am and where I want to go.
The picture doesn't do the painting justice, it's not possible to photograph the magical energy I am showered in whenever I look at it. A note came with it describing in detail all the elements and choices Kris made when painting it. It's truly so beautiful and I will cherish it forever
A week ago, when the fires in LA started, I got so consumed by it, it was the tipping point for me to finally do something about my Instagram/ phone addiction.
On Friday night I got to such a state, I was lying in bed unable to shut down the Instagram app and go to sleep. I was manically scrolling through post after post, I shut the app down several times only to reopen it again unconsciously and before I knew it more time passed. I couldn't let go, it was like a drug and I hadn't experienced a pull that strong before. I would imagine the energy surrounding the fires was so low vibrational, I got sucked into it and the dark forces got me. It was almost 1am when I finally put it down and went to sleep. But not before I deleted the app and removed a lot of people I was following.
Prior to this, I had started to read a new book called Stolen Focus by Johann Hari. I was hoping it would help me with my Instagram addiction, I felt like I was broken because I couldn't seem to break the habit. We are talking at least 7/8 years of me trying on and off. I kept thinking: "Why can't I control myself when others can?" I really felt there was something wrong with me. But the first epiphany I had was when he says in the book that our issues with focus and attention had started way before social media. This alone was huge, because it suggests there is so much more to this than the invention of phones and apps and I wasn't alone in feeling like this.
I also realised other things. I often say how overwhelmed I feel in every way. No matter how much I simplify my life, I am still struggling. Simple invitations out often tip me over the edge, I cannot manage. I didn't understand though, when I looked at how much other people can supposedly handle versus me, I again felt like there was something wrong with me. But I had an aha moment and realised, through the tipping point of the LA fires, that I fill my head with so much information and despite having simplified my life everywhere else, I simply have zero mental capacity for anything else. I cannot go out with friends, because in my head I am dealing with major disasters, catastrophising and I am being constantly reminded I am inadequate and not doing enough.
When I was going through my awakening, I really needed to follow people whilst I was learning about what was happening to me and to not feel alone. But now, no matter how good the people are that I follow, how inspirational, they are all distracting me from hearing my own intuition and wisdom.
So I am limiting who I follow and how often I check it. I deleted the app, as I said and now only check Instagram in the browser. Because it's so clunky, I don't spend hours on it and exit quickly. I have been here before, implemented this change but this time, I know I was consuming content in order to distract myself from having to deal with my reality. But this time, I am ready to face myself and make meaningful changes to my life because I am sick of repeating the same stories and pattern and feeling miserable. It's time to face me
I don’t get bothered by spiders normally. They neither scare me (unless huge) nor please me. I am pretty indifferent. But recently I have seen a lot of them, showing up near me constantly.
I wanted advice on how to frame my punch needle work which I brought with me. Aside from selling punch needles and kits I have wanted to create and sell my own work but the framing bit always put me off. I had read somewhere it would cost between £300-£400 per piece. My work is intricate and takes hours so it always seemed unfeasible. Yesterday I was told it would cost less than £100!!!! What? I was so elated when I left. On the way home I told my friend about the spiders and she stopped in her tracks all freaked out. She hates spiders and is very scared of them. Anyway we continued on and got on with the rest of the afternoon.
At the end of the day, I was lying in my bed reading Rise sister Rise which is a book about the return of the mother and the rising of the feminine. I was laying down on my left side with my left eye touching the pillow near the edge. Suddenly this small spider walks up the side of the pillow practically into my eyeball.
This has never happened to me and on top of the spider day I already experienced and seeing a lot of them in general I got curious about the symbolism of spiders. Well I was quite shocked when I read this:
“The spider symbolizes creation and beauty. In several traditions, the spiders symbolizes the Mother and the Divine Feminine. ... Obviously, spiders use extreme patience in order to weave their webs, so the spider can teach you to increase your awareness and focus in life.”
From The power of positivity website
I am soooo guided and soooo on the right track, aren’t I? Creation and beauty (my punch needle pieces) and then the mother and divine feminine (reading the book at the time of the spider walking into my eyeball basically saying, are you seeing this?! Are you paying attention?). We are all exactly where we are meant to be ✨🙏🏻🕷
Ps: Come to think of it I have always been fascinated by the webs, so could a spider be my spirit animal?
“The spider symbolizes creation and beauty. In several traditions, the spiders symbolizes the Mother and the Divine Feminine. ... Obviously, spiders use extreme patience in order to weave their webs, so the spider can teach you to increase your awareness and focus in life.”
From The power of positivity website
I am soooo guided and soooo on the right track, aren’t I? Creation and beauty (my punch needle pieces) and then the mother and divine feminine (reading the book at the time of the spider walking into my eyeball basically saying, are you seeing this?! Are you paying attention?). We are all exactly where we are meant to be ✨🙏🏻🕷
Ps: Come to think of it I have always been fascinated by the webs, so could a spider be my spirit animal?
I've been learning and reading about angels recently following a prompt from my clairvoyant. And to begin with I was sceptical although I definitely believe in spirits. But slowly I have been asking myself to open up to the possibility to believe.
I was walking on the street coming back from my counselling today and I thought about my guardian angel being around me. And the name Melissa popped into my head instantly and suddenly in a split second I zoomed in on a single flower lying on the pavement in a puddle. I reached down to pick it up. After a few steps I turned around to see which tree it fell from all the while knowing it wasn't going to be there. And sure enough, all the other trees had different flowers on them
Thank you for the beautiful sign
I was walking on the street coming back from my counselling today and I thought about my guardian angel being around me. And the name Melissa popped into my head instantly and suddenly in a split second I zoomed in on a single flower lying on the pavement in a puddle. I reached down to pick it up. After a few steps I turned around to see which tree it fell from all the while knowing it wasn't going to be there. And sure enough, all the other trees had different flowers on them
Thank you for the beautiful sign
Life, that is. I've gone through so many scenarios these past three years. Reinventing myself on regular basis. Yes, it does keep me entertained and busy but at the end of the day and deep down, it makes little difference.
It's all still so hard and relentless with no end in sight. My body feels ill to me with no warmth to it, like there is chill in it and I can't shake it off. Like I am not aware of having a heart, lungs, hands, legs and stomach for instance; when full should feel like a warm hug but no, my whole body feels like it's just one mass of constant tightness and stress and anger. And my mind? Constantly racing like the drivers in the fast lane on M1. Eager to get to places or maybe escaping something. Just like me only I am standing still when that's happening.
It's crossed my mind that I am grieving. It's anyone's guess how many articles I've read on the subject following my dad's tragic death.
"Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something that’s important to you."
But perhaps it's not only my dad I am grieving. Haven't I also lost part of my mum when that happened? Haven't I lost part of my brother too when he had a head accident himself shortly after our dad past away? Haven't I lost my own identity, freedom and my marriage when I had back to back children and battled with PND both times? Have I mentioned all this happened in three short years?
This life I now live, I don't recognise myself in it. I started off sad but all too soon sadness turned into anger and resentment. Despite that, I have made a lot of progress but for every step forward, there are many steps back. And I am done hurting inside and hurting other with my unhappiness. So how do I lift the heaviness of it all off of me? Can anyone relate?
It's all still so hard and relentless with no end in sight. My body feels ill to me with no warmth to it, like there is chill in it and I can't shake it off. Like I am not aware of having a heart, lungs, hands, legs and stomach for instance; when full should feel like a warm hug but no, my whole body feels like it's just one mass of constant tightness and stress and anger. And my mind? Constantly racing like the drivers in the fast lane on M1. Eager to get to places or maybe escaping something. Just like me only I am standing still when that's happening.
It's crossed my mind that I am grieving. It's anyone's guess how many articles I've read on the subject following my dad's tragic death.
"Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something that’s important to you."
But perhaps it's not only my dad I am grieving. Haven't I also lost part of my mum when that happened? Haven't I lost part of my brother too when he had a head accident himself shortly after our dad past away? Haven't I lost my own identity, freedom and my marriage when I had back to back children and battled with PND both times? Have I mentioned all this happened in three short years?
This life I now live, I don't recognise myself in it. I started off sad but all too soon sadness turned into anger and resentment. Despite that, I have made a lot of progress but for every step forward, there are many steps back. And I am done hurting inside and hurting other with my unhappiness. So how do I lift the heaviness of it all off of me? Can anyone relate?
Day 9 of single parenting and I planned on going to bed early. I am totally exhausted but I am so eager to learn more. Every moment of my day when I am alone I want to read, watch, experiment! I started with a meditation but I couldn’t relax because I was worried I wouldn’t hear the kids through my headphones. Once downstairs and as I craved peace and quiet, watching youtube videos was too stimulating for me so I googled. I love googling, anything and everything. When I find a subject that interests me I just want to learn everything about it. I can’t remember exactly what I googled but it must have been something along the lines of - how do you know you have psychic abilities? An page came up explaining the different types of Clairs and once I read the description of a Clairsentient that was it! Head slap moment! Two head slap moments! This must be my gift, not ‘seeing’ or ‘hearing’ but ‘feeling’. My overly emotional personality was suddenly starting to make sense. It felt strangely familiar, like I always knew but just couldn’t put my finger on it. Could this be why I get easily overstimulated? Could this be the reason why I feel so many emotions all the time and there is no consistency to them? Could this explain the sudden angriness and negativity I feel at times?
My medium told me this week that there is a dog around me, small dog, most likely our old dog Ciko. As I am sitting on the sofa reading about mediumship I can see lots of movement around the floor so I am naturally wondering if that is him. At some point as I focus on one spot where I saw the movement - I start seeing ENERGY. I look around the living, it’s everywhere! It’s air but not clear, there is movement in it and lots of it. As if there are millions of tiny shiny raindrops, each one moving within its own little orbit of 2mm. My senses are heightened as I watch the energy flickering around me and then my forearms start vibrating again just like the day before. But this time it’s more like a dull ache with a vibration, a sort of numbness at the same time. And I feel this heaviness envelop me and I am aware at the same time of a movement in my hair, like someone is pulling on three hairs exactly. The hair is something I feel all the time but mostly in the garden and always thought I just had a spider in my hair :) At the same time the article on my screen is about how to recognise a deceased loved one vs your angels or spirit guides. As I read, lots of what I am experiencing is described in the article but I am unable to recognise who it is that is visiting me. They say with practice I will be able to tell.
My medium told me this week that there is a dog around me, small dog, most likely our old dog Ciko. As I am sitting on the sofa reading about mediumship I can see lots of movement around the floor so I am naturally wondering if that is him. At some point as I focus on one spot where I saw the movement - I start seeing ENERGY. I look around the living, it’s everywhere! It’s air but not clear, there is movement in it and lots of it. As if there are millions of tiny shiny raindrops, each one moving within its own little orbit of 2mm. My senses are heightened as I watch the energy flickering around me and then my forearms start vibrating again just like the day before. But this time it’s more like a dull ache with a vibration, a sort of numbness at the same time. And I feel this heaviness envelop me and I am aware at the same time of a movement in my hair, like someone is pulling on three hairs exactly. The hair is something I feel all the time but mostly in the garden and always thought I just had a spider in my hair :) At the same time the article on my screen is about how to recognise a deceased loved one vs your angels or spirit guides. As I read, lots of what I am experiencing is described in the article but I am unable to recognise who it is that is visiting me. They say with practice I will be able to tell.
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